i’m confused. i’m not sure whether or not i should like the watchmen: the film version. yes, i know “do” and “should” are two different things…so does it make me either a) a traitor, or b) honest that i thought the movie was just….meh?
let’s start with the bad. the music was completely cringe worthy. i have no idea who supervised that, and i suppose i could look it up online, but it’s not even worth the energy. trite, heavy-handed, and often far too loud, overpowering whatever was happening on the screen, it was almost painful at times. “visionary director” zach snyder’s “little extras” (creative license, is it called?) – let me eschew any florid language and just say, ugh. no spoilers here, but did we NEED the pool table? did we NEED the extra brutality in the prison scene? did we need what i thought was a particularly tasteless and gratuitous punch in the stomach to a random woman rioter by the comedian? we get it, the comedian is a Bad Person ™. we read the book. we know. i’ll tell you what we DID need – half of the original ending that didn’t make it on film. again, no spoilers here, so i won’t mention what parts were sorely missed – at least by lil’ ol’ me.
the good? well, the casting. although rorschach’s voice PAINED me until i got used to it. far too “where’s-the-drugs?!?” i’m-disguising-my-voice-batman-esque. but billy crudup’s “giant blue junk”, as it’s been called, did not offend me. sure, some of the acting/lines were stilted, but c’mon – spiderman 2’s dialogue made me laugh out loud. we’re talking superheroes here, folks – they’re supposed to be grandiose. laurie made me want to kickbox the hell out of some bad guys, and while i wasn’t exactly pulling for dan (i think he loses some sympathy in the film without his interaction with hollis mason and a sense of humor; he just seems a little too pitiful), rorschach gets my undying love.
so, in the end, i dunno. i didn’t leave…INSPIRED. exhilarated. the way i did after seeing the dark knight, jumping up and down the street saying, “did you SEE that?” don’t tell me it had to do with the subject matter, either. honestly, i went into the film with zero expectations. i don’t see how anyone who didn’t read the book could follow the film easily (that was a horrible sentence, sorry). but i didn’t hate it. it didn’t make me angry – for the most part. that scene with “99 luftballoons”, that made me angry. so angry I’m going to put on my silk spectre costume and give those balloons a well-deserved beat-down.