thanks alot, carrie-tucker-person-who-shares-my-name. thanks a whole, whole lot. because of your poor personal decisions, people occasionally wonder if i am a scandalous, fallen beauty queen. just, NO.
it’s important to know that i am NOT miss new york 2000, carrie tucker. this is miss new york 2000:
PICTURE REMOVED ON REQUEST OF BEAUTY QUEEN’S ATTORNEY
see? i don’t even know how to smile that big.
this is me, reading at the national arts club PAGE series:
ME!
so, again:
i AM NOT the carrie tucker who was miss new york. i never participated in a beauty pageant in my life. i don’t own anything remotely resembling an evening gown, and if you ask me what i’d do to save the world, i’d probably tell you i’d make a real life genie through some sort of magic. my middle name is “jo.” i was not born in new york. in the year 2000, i was living in l.a. and working as a content manager for an ill-fated dotcom with jarring orange floors that sloped because the architect who designed the space wasn’t really an architect.
now i’m all angry. to cheer myself up, i’m going to watch my dog walter cronkite fight his bed: